Three weeks ago I was sitting on the couch finished up a summer Bible study with the women from our community group. We had studied the book of Esther together.
Throughout our study, I was amazed at how perfect the timing was – how much Esther spoke to my heart as we are in this season of waiting and praying for our daughter. The book is one of the few in the Bible about a woman. It is also the story about God’s providence in the face of fear.
A friend asked how our adoption was going. I said great. We were almost done with our homestudy and looking forward to getting our papers to Rwanda this fall.
When I sat down in the car five minutes later, I looked at my email on my phone. There was a rumor that things were changing in Rwanda . It sounded like Rwanda would possibly be closing while the country implemented the Hague Convention. Can things really change that fast?
My heart was pounding. I felt like I had just lost a fight. I came home and told Mark. We emailed our contact in Rwanda.
The next morning, we read the news. Rwanda was closing to international adoption.
(This is when I wanted to freak out.)
Three weeks have passed. It is clear that Rwanda will not open to international adoption again soon and when it does, we would have to start over with a Hague accredited agency. If we were to wait, we’re guessing it would at least a year before we could star the process again and then more time waiting. My husband and I both feel this isn’t right for our family.
After praying and looking at our option, it seems like another door is open. We’re moving forward towards adopting a little girl from Uganda.
Our homestudy is nearly done. We have our FBI Background Checks back and we have our last homestudy visit this Sunday. We’re still deciding between two adoption agencies, but we are close. Our papers could be in Uganda by October. We could travel next spring or summer.
This all brings me back to the book of Esther. In God’s providence, Esther, a beautiful young Jewish girl who was orphaned and raised by her cousin, has become the Queen. The King, however, has a plot to kill all the Jews. After Esther hears about the plan to kill her people, Esther’s cousin asks her the following:
“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14
Esther was thrown a curve ball. She was the queen. She was not planning on putting her life on the line. She knew she would be risking everything if she told the king she was a Jew. Her cousin was right – God would take care of his people, with or without Esther.
But God gave her this position for such a time as this.
As we sit here, trying to fight through this crazy battle that is adoption, I have to trust this God. I have to trust that God will, in his providence, lead us and guide us in every step. Sometimes I am terrified. I am afraid because my heart is so full of love for this little person. Whomever she is.
If parenting is like having your heart walk around outside your body, international adoption is like having your heart walk around half way around the world. I trust as one door has closed and another has opened, that God is with us. I trust that he has put us in this position. I trust he will give us wisdom. Never in my life have I been so desperate for wisdom and so thankful for God’s promise to give it to those who fear him.